Try This on for Size

Well, it is taking me a little bit of time to adjust to this whole SAHM thing. There are a lot of crazy factors involved that are keeping me from fully slipping into the role.

1. The kids' last day of school and Jared's Junior High graduation came less than 2 weeks after my 'official' last day of work. 'School's Out for the Summer' causes an immediate mental/emotional/physical change in the kids and I. Whether I'm working or not, there is a sigh of relief followed by late dinners, later bedtimes and just general giddiness in all of us for the first couple of weeks.

That's my boy!

2. We had a HUGE family (three day event) wedding to attend. It was fantastic and yet another example of why I made the decision to quit. This wonderful wedding included 3 separate events: the rehearsal dinner Friday night, the wedding Saturday, then the Sunday get together to help clean up (which I can take zero credit in) and the consumption of left overs (which I fully and happily take credit in!). Due to the drawn out nature of this event, if I had been working, I would have barely made it to only the actual ceremony. However, my lazy unemployed ass was able to enjoy that fabulous family for the three days!

Before the ceremony

3. This one is a biggie. We are MOVING!!! Obviously, this will jack up ANY kind of routine, existing or attempting at one. With me quitting, we need to move closer to Jimmy's work (and a more affordable city). We've been packing all week and Jimmy has been hauling out loads every day. I almost choked up a bit when he loaded up one of my couches that I purchased when I was a 22 year old single mother. I soooo remember buying that set and how damn proud I was to finally own some brand new furniture. Sure, it was clearance, but it was clean and AWESOME! Now it's going to a new home. We won't have room for it anymore. We won't have room for a lot of stuff anymore. But that is OK and actually that is exactly what I need. Rid my life, my mind, my body of the extra 'stuff'. That is going to take some growing (shrinking?) pains, but it is absolutely necessary. This current house and environment is totally preventing me from embracing the SAHM lifestyle. I have actually even told my family and friends that very thing when they ask if it has sunk in yet that I am no longer working. I say 'You know, where we live now and the lifestyle we are living is leftover from 'Working Stephanie'. The new (older) home will be where I only live as a SAHM. I don't think it will 'sink in' until we are settled into the SAHM home.' With that realization, I am not stressing too much about how well (sooooo NOT well) I am slipping into my new role. Ask me again in a month....um...on second thought, ask me again in August and I have no doubt I will be doing a LOT better. Right now it just feels like vacation. And the kids are LOVING it! But, it didn't stop me from buying an apron, just to see how I LOOK as a SAHM. I think it fits me. What do you think?

My Lightning Show

   I love love love lightning storms. We get them so rarely here in California that it's such a treat when it occurs. However, the past few years, due to my work hours and how precious sleep was, I have missed a couple of performances. When working day shift, my alarm clock went off at around 4:15 am. The lightning storms usually occur after midnight. From midnight until my alarm went off was serious business for me. If anything got in the way of those last few fleeting hours, it was an absolute disaster for me. Dramatic much? Oh yeah...that was serious shit. So, the couple of times that we had a lightning storm after midnight on a work night, I would wake up and be excited for about 2 seconds before stomping up out of bed to shut the window, draw the black out shades down and close the door so the light and noise wouldn't wake me and then I would try to hurry up and go back to sleep. It was miserable. I would miss out on one of my favorite things because I couldn't risk lack of sleep before a shift.

   But guess what? I was granted another shot last night. Windows open, I was dead asleep when I woke to the beautiful music of thunder. I didn't know exactly what it was at first, but it was confirmed by another set of lightning strikes, completely bathing my room in that sharp whiteness. I look at the clock, it was a little before 4 am. I could get up! I could go towards the front of the house for a better view! Found Jimmy with the same idea already out of bed and in front of a wide open window watching the show. I joined him. I put my arms around him and just smiled. We watched it for about 15 minutes and then I was content to go back to sleep. I could have totally done this before and it wouldn't have changed how tired I was! I missed out. But no more. There are so many wonderful things out there that I can fully experience and enjoy now. My children and the experiences with them was what brought me to the decision to stay at home, but I had forgotten all of the other little things I had been denying myself. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to fully enjoy my children and I am loving the added bonus of all the little extras.

Ah...so THIS is 'life'

    Last week, my first week off, left me feeling all discombobulated. Luckily I was smart enough to not make any plans with anyone nor commit to anything other than getting my kids to and from school. I survived. Barely.

    My weekend went well. We didn't have our 'Friday Family Fun Night' as I had hoped since Jimmy got home too late. But it certainly felt more relaxed for everyone. Saturday Jimmy had to work and Leah went with him to be dropped off at grandma's for the day. This worked out perfectly because I needed to take Jared to shop for his Junior High Graduation outfit. It was going to be great, boys are easy to buy for, right? Well, maybe they are, but for my freakishly weird man/child 15 year old, apparently size 29 trousers are absolutely impossible to find! After spending 90 minutes in three different stores and me completely fed up and pissed off at him (real quality mother/son time, I tell you! And seriously...like it was HIS fault he was that size?!). We decided to take a break, have some lunch, I apologized and all was well again. We finally found a store (more expensive than I originally hoped) that had everything we needed in his size! Whoo-hoo! After 5 hours, 4 stores, 2 cities, we were finally heading home. Jared was anxious to try everything on to show his dad:



I guess it was all worth it. :-)

     Sunday: The first day of my ambitious week! Took Leah to see Epic, was really cute. Cleaned house, made dinner. Was a perfect Sunday. I even took a catnap at some point.
     Monday: Jimmy and I drove out to see my 84 year old grandma. Went for a walk with her and took her out to lunch. I looooooove that woman!



Love! I think this was in 2010

 

   Tuesday: Met my friend Julie for lunch and crammed a LOT of talking into less than 2 hours. Miss her!
    Wednesday: Leah had her annual school 'Ho Down' where everyone dressed up like cowboys/girls and each grade performed a square dance. Out of the three years she has been at this school, this was the first one I was finally able to attend. It was adorable.

  Thursday (today): Hooked up with another friend, Genevieve, for a few hours and caught up on a lot. Missed her too!
   Friday: Plans to visit my cousin Jennifer tomorrow and I've been missing my quality bonding time with her, so this is long overdue.
   Saturday: Hooking up with another 2 friends for lunch.

   Every single day, in addition to all my socializing,  I've managed to do at least one load of laundry, make dinner every night (which is a flipping MIRACLE in itself since the past 18 months I never actually cooked dinner more than 3 nights a week [shout out to my MIL for sending home meals to ensure my family was fed]!), keep the downstairs somewhat tidy and spend quality time with each family member. It feels pretty damn good. I know I will still have my ups and downs, but having been through some pretty deep 'downs' (last week) and some pretty high 'ups' (this week), I know that this stay at home thing is going to work out just fine.

   Next week: Packing (we're moving in 2.5 weeks), last week of school/graduation and a huge family wedding! Busy busy busy. Thank God I don't have to try to mix in work in the middle of all this LIFE.